New Medical Breakthrough: Comparitave Psuckology

As anybody who knows me knows MrWhipple is a complete whackjob. But I am a Professional crazy Person (IRS employment code 4352798) that means that I get paid to be crazy. I make over $10,000 a year being nuts. They are even nice enough to deposit it right in my bank so I don't have to leave my computer to cash the check. It took six years and three attorneys but I finally convinced a Federal judge to stand up in open court and declare "MrWhipple you are too crazy to be in the workplace so we are going to pay you to stay home".

Well that is all well and good and I know that some folks are out there saying "How do I get on this gravy train." A lot of amateur psychos make that mistake. They forget to consider the downside. Namely If you are a true pro then you get locked up in the happy home from time to time.

It was on a recent stint to the psycho ward that I made the astounding Medical Breakthrough of the early Twenty First Century. The logic goes something like this.

1. My life really Sucks. What with the crazy thing and the diabetes and and all of the foot pain and impending blindness and amputation that it brings, and heart problems, and of course the screaming migraines that send me to the ER for a big fat dose of morphine, and the fact that I can't work and make a million dollars a year so I have to tell everybody that I am self UNemployed. There is a Lot more, but you get the gist. Yea it sucks.

2. There are other people whose lives Suck even more than mine. The best place to meet said people in in the Psych ward of your local hospital. Man there are people whose live sucks to the max. I mean we got ladies who walk around all day mumbling to themselves and then walk up behind you and scream in your ear. We got guys that just stay in bed all day and when they are forced to come group, the first thing that they say is "may I please be excused to go to my room" and this is the only complete sentence that you get from the guy in a week. (by the way he was my roommate). It get worse, but I don't want to scare anybody.

3. Lock up person one with group two, stir gently for about a week to a fortnight, throw in a dash of lame group therapy, blend in the finest chemical enhancers and there you have it......
wait for it........Comparative Psuckology.

4. After only a few days of comparing my lame life to these folks I was ready to go home, kiss the ground and claim victory and never say that may life sucks ever again, no not ever, never.

And so was born a whole new branch of Medicine. Comparative Psuckology will some day change the lives of so many lame people who think that they have it soooo bad. I am now pushing forward to found the Foundation for Comparative Psuckology to raise money to start clinics around the world where we can bring together people whose lives realllllly suck (ie. Psuckie) and those who just think their lives suck (ie. Psucker [there is one born every minute]). We pay the Psuckie a decent honorarium (say $60 a session) to show up. and then charge all the Psuckers a decent fee (say $100/hr) to be curred. Since you only need a couple of Psuckies for a whole room full of Psuckers.... well you do the math.

It should be a real cash cow. We'll keep in touch.