Mr. Whipple gets Pampered

OK I have been assimilated. My wife's sister brought up an old addiction and I got sucked in. It's not blow or weed or anything like that but can consume your life almost as much. The monkey that is now jumping all over my broad back is "Pampered Chef" kitchen stuff.

I started out doing kitchen scrapers. They are cheap and easy to get and you can use them every day and not even know that you are addicted. I even use them to scrape gaskets off of aluminum engine blocks. Before you know what you are doing you are into whisks and measuring cups. Then you graduate to the "hard stuff". I am talking about stoneware. It starts with cookie molds and soon you realize that you can't make a pizza without a baking stone in the oven. You know that it is all over with when you find yourself slamming your warped, cheap K-Mart saute pan against the wall and screaming and swearing and vowing that you will not spend any money on anything, including Pepsi, until you can afford a real professional grade Pampered Chef pan.

Of course you know that this means that I have to become a pusher to support my cook-ware habit. Please help me. I am a junkie. Is there a 12 step program for helpless addicts like me? Can I qualify for any government assistance programs? My only hope for me is to just let this sickness run it's course. I just hope that I can tough it out!