Phone calls get out of hand

Hey, I am usually pretty easy to get along with, but I have my limits. Now my wife thinks I have a girlfriend and I have changed my name to Phil. Our mystery caller usually rings me up around between two and three in the afternoon, right in the middle of my nappy time.
"Is Phil there." she asks in her distinctive gravely voice.
I calmly tell her that Phil doesn't live here and has never lived here, will not live here in the future and has no intention of answering at this number ever.
"Tell him to call me back." she responds, hanging up quickly.
I decide to check my voice mail, just see if she has totally clogged it up again. Good news! Only four messages from her. Most are filled with mild obscenities, venting her frustration at not being able to reach Phil. This has been going on for months now and it is starting to get on my last nerve.
An hour later she calls again.
"I am sorry ." I reply. "But Phil is dead."
"What!!!" she exclaims, almost breaking down.
Now I finally have her attention.
"O.K. I am going to explain this just one more time. You have the wrong number. This is not Phil's number. Please erase it from your speed dial, your phone book, your quick call list and anywhere else you might have it written down."
"I have never called this number, ever, not even once." This is her usual ploy, but her voice gives her away.
"Mam, I have tried to be polite, but if you call just one more time, I will call the police, the phone company, my lawyer and everybody I can think of to get you to quit calling."
"O.K, I will never call you again." she promises.
Ten minutes later the phone rings. Guess who?
No, It is Phil. He apologizes profusely for her and gives me his number. One number is different. An 0 instead of a 1. I explain my frustration and let him know that she only has one chance left.
An hour later she calls again.
"Hey, Phil, did you talk to the whacko?" she growls.
"I am the whacko." big pause, then click.
An hour later, after talking to the phone company and the police, I am happily typing away on the police website filing a report. I call Phil and let him know to expect a call from the cops any day now.
Well, I haven't heard much from her since and I have been able to convince my wife that I am not having an affair, so we will just have to see what the cops come up with. Stand by for news!